I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
