Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
