i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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