I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
