Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
