At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry about my life...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
