I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
