That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
