we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
