I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
