Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
