we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
