She announced her abortion via fbk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
