Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
