you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
