FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
