I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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