One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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