I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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