Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
