all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
