we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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