He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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