well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
