Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
