ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
