TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
