can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
