Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
