This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
