first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
