I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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