I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
