i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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