The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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