I must be too annoying 4 u.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
