There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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