no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
