Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
