It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
