Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
