My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
