i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
