i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
