there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
