she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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