I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
