ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
