There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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