Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
