just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
