I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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