I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
