i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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