I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
