In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
