Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
