Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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