How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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