There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
