Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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