if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
