does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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