I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
