I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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