dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
