My first STD was from a foam party
i just had sex bonerless
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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