oh god the rape fog is back!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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