I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
