i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
