it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
