saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
