Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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