Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
